Chris | A Letter of Hope
Never, I mean never stop believing… You, I, Us, we ARE better than what we are, you never have to go back. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been clean for 7 days or 7 years. You are worth it. You are the creator of your own thoughts, your future is and will be bright, just make a choice, just decide to be great. You are great, I believe in you, millions in the world believe in you. Life is beautiful, no matter the ups and downs we experience, life is worth it, you’re worth it, remember a thought is just a thought. I’m writing this for you just as much as for myself. Courage, strength, wisdom, awareness, love, compassion, all these things are inside you. It’s time, open your hearts, open your eyes, believe. Don’t let fears consume you, they are illusions self-created, you’re better than that. Pain is temporary, allow yourself to move past it, you’ve lived it already, feel it, embrace it, put it aside, and follow your dreams. Just believe, believe in yourselves, you’re worth more. Don’t be afraid to fail we all fail, but use it. Use it as the fire that you have inside you to overcome it all. Why can’t you be the best at whatever it is you want to do or be, why? Pick yourselves up, like get up, stay up, and don’t ever give up. It’s time to show everyone just how great we are. Never stop believing. I CAN, I WILL, I MUST! Love you all!
I drank, I drank some more, I got drunk and blacked out, over and over, again and again. I couldn’t stop the insanity, quitting everyday but doing it all over again. I was hopeless and full of guilt, shame, and remorse. When I came to Webster Place, I was scared and full of fear. I arrived a broken woman. Webster Place taught me that there was a solution to my insanity. I began my journey in recovery. Despite myself I slowly began to learn about me and my allergy to alcohol. I was safe and I belonged. That was enough in the beginning. I listened, I shared, and I grew. I made friends who understood me even when I didn’t understand myself. Webster Place gave me a good, strong foundation to work upon. When the time came for me to leave I was once again filled with fear. How would I continue this journey on the outside? I did what I was told…go to meetings, get a sponsor, join a group, work on my conscious contact with my Higher Power, and give back what has been so freely given. Sobriety has been and continues to be amazing. It’s not easy but it truly is simple. Work my program, do Gods will, change my thinking from negative to positive, love and be kind. I don’t maintain this all the time, I am not perfect, but when life gets unmanageable I recognize I am not doing my program. I get back to doing Gods will not mine. I have peace and serenity, I am happy, joyous, and free. I wouldn’t trade my worst day of sobriety for my best day drunk. I am grateful for Webster Place starting me on this journey. I am grateful for my Higher Power and a simple program that keeps me sober, one day at a time.
I want to take this opportunity to thank the donors, Farnum staff, and the Board of Directors for allowing me this second chance at life. Without your financial assistance, they would have just locked me up. Instead, I have the chance to find a way to combat my addiction and learn why I have these thoughts and impulses to use drugs, now I am gaining the knowledge to fight back and begin my life anew. I would like to thank Chris, Danielle, and Tony for showing me that I have all the mental tools I need inside me to live a sober life.
I came to Webster Place in February of 2010. I was immediately greeted by friendly staff and residents. I found people I could connect with and relate on a level I hadn’t really experienced before. It all served to better myself and my recovery. I felt at home at Webster Place and still do when I go back to visit. The staff are all in recovery with multiple years of sobriety. Whenever I was having problems and went to one of them, they knew exactly what I was talking about. Webster Place was the fourth and, by far, the best recovery center I’d ever been too. Before that, I struggled with alcoholism and drug addiction for a long time and figured myself to be completely hopeless. After spending three months as a resident and another six months in the senior advocate program, I was able to understand my addiction and learn how to recover from it. Since then, I’ve been sober for two and a half years and live a full and happy life. I still keep in touch with Webster Place and the residents so that I might be able to pass on this gift that was given to me.
As I write this letter, I have been sober for more than two years. I am a free and happy man. I no longer suffer from the obsessive thoughts and behaviors of active addiction. My life is more wonderful than I ever could have imagined and it all began with a small amount of willingness when I walked through the doors at Webster Place.
Webster Place taught me an important attribute in life; how to become the observer of my addiction. With this tool, I was set free from the confines of my addiction by a very simple trait; honesty. Honesty is the foundation of accountability and accountability is what has helped me continue on my path of sobriety. The staff are sensitive to the thought processes during early recovery and cater to that without minimizing what you are feeling. You learn that everything is important. Every tear, every gut-wrenching laugh and prior regret are all important in early recovery. All the little cliches like, “Stay in the day” and “One day at a time” seem trite, but become a mantra of sorts. Recovery has been like chasing a moving train car down a track. If I run too fast, I’ll likely exhaust myself and give up. But if I keep a steady pace and ask for help when I am tired, I’ll stay on that track. Webster Place helped me ask for help and because of that I am celebrating 7 months of sobriety today. Without my peers and the staff at Webster Place I would still exist in the darkness that my life had become. There is life outside of addiction and we are all worthy of living it.
Sober was the last thing on earth I wanted to be nor thought I would be. I loved the lifestyle and lived to use. It came to a point though where it was controlling my life each and every day. After having a love of alcohol for years and drinking each and every day like it was my last I tried opiates and my life change tenfold for the worst. I became that liar, cheater, thief that I thought I would never be. I was brought up in a great family and my value was set at that point. Once I entered the hell of opiates they went out the window. Like every junkies story, I was out every day seeking the next high. I found that no matter what, I went to any length to get it. It wasn’t until 2003 that people started approaching me and telling me I had a problem with drugs and alcohol. I thought I was fine but decided to start my Detox and Rehab Binge. I entered detox after detox- rehab after rehab from New Hampshire down to Florida and nothing worked nor did I want it to work. I never listened so every time I got out I went back to the same crowd same old thing over and over again and expected a different result. After Years of utter hell on earth using every day between rehab and detox binges, It was getting bad. I was homeless, jobless, heartless and I didn’t care about anything or anyone but my habit.
I went to Webster Place for the first time in the summer of 2008 and I actually listened. it was a different approach that I have seen before and I found it interesting. They didn’t force feed you like other rehabs. It was a subtle yet prominent approach that works. I got out around August and didn’t use the day I got out! I thought it was the best thing as I actually went to AA meeting and did 90 in 90 like suggested and also got a sponsor. Around 5 months I lost a job and received a large paycheck in my hand and had a quick thought to get high and I did. The next year or so was the worst year of my life. I couldn’t stop I had a head full of AA and a belly full of booze as they say. Every day got worse and worse. I hid it for awhile but it got to that point again where I didn’t care. I got arrested a couple times and sent to jail for a long weekend action stay and detoxed in the jail cell and again it topped one of my worst experiences on this earth.
I had two choices when I got out of Jail one go get suboxone which I knew at the time would just delay the inevitable of using again. I’m glad I choose option two. A choice to call the Director at Webster Place that truly saved my life. He asked me if I was done and for the first time, I truly could say yes. I have had enough I couldn’t do this anymore. He took me back into Webster place for a second go around and I jumped right in head first. Took all suggestions I could and did the drill. This time I stayed there 72 days and left. The 73rd day I went to a meeting and have not stopped going to meetings ever since. I went to a meeting a day for two years. I got involved doing service work making coffee, secretary, treasurer, bookie and everything else under the sun and again that’s what I needed to do.
In my three plus years of sobriety, I have gotten married. I have opened a Successful Business in the Area. I help other alcoholic/addicts that need help. I pray today, I go to church, I love my Family, I have a sponsor. I have a 4-year-old step son and he has a baby brother or sister on the way in Feb 13′. Most important I STILL go to meetings as much as I can. AA and the 12 steps is the foundation of my recovery!
All those I’s you see above I could not have gotten done without the Fellowship and the “WE” of the program
I am more and more grateful every day. YOU don’t have to do it alone. If this rock bottom addict/alcoholic can do it then you can too!